WARNING: Mild cussing, this post should be PG-13!

Mon horoscope du jour disais ceci:

"For the next few days, you may be feeling as if your feelings are raw, as if you are on edge."

Raw feelings, no kidding! I feel like a bloody piece of steak on a meat stand right now! On the edge! I'm THIS fucking close to letting go and just drop down into blissfull oblivion. Of course, I'm not the one who had to rip out her own heart and then watch as it beat its last pathetic thumps. I'm not the one who tried and tried and tried to get through someone's thick head and sadly saw that it was like talking to a brick wall. I wasn't the one who had to push away precious people whom I felt had betrayed me. I'm just the girl who broke up with her boyfriend.

But of course, what's that gotta do with anything? Frankly, I really don't know. I've been given an insight, recently, as to what this could possibly be but then again, this is only rumors right? I mean, maybe I've just misinterpreted? Because that really seems like it's the easy way out right now. Hey, maybe I've mistook a total ass for an innocent, a good friend for a liar and a close friend for a manipulative freak? Or is it the other way around? But HEY! I'm misinterpreting here! I don't know these people, I'm not in their heads! I'm out of line! Of course, how silly of me.

You see, I'm just so weak, I base all of my jugments on rumors and vague recollections of true events. I can't make an opinion for myself but whenever I do, its just not good enough because it's not the other people's ones! I mean, I'm such an idiotic, spineless human being. It seems I am incapable of making an opinion for myself, regardless of what sources I have.

Because, hey, sources, I don't think I even want to go there! No, hearing something out of the horse's mouth really doesn't apply as a reliable source because to the other horse, it's just that, horse shit! Or is it bullshit? See, can't have an opinion... so weak... I should go buy a book about self-confidence and affirmation.

So yeah, all of you out there, keep something in mind. When I'm being spoken to, I have stuff going on in my head, you know? I'm not just some sort of brain sponge absorbing what's being said to me and then ingesting it as it is. I'm a separate entity from the rest of all of you. What I'm being told, I assume is always the thruth. But not the ABSOLUTE thruth! You have your thruth, he has his thruth, she has her thruth. It's all genuine to me but it's still only your thruths! So then I take all these bits an pieces in my own brain and make my own thruth. So maybe it's not perfect, and maybe it's not to your liking but see - deal with it.

When messing with my head, it's my way or the highway so forget about making me take a fucking side because I won't.

And don't worry, you are very free to misinterpret everything I've just said!

Whereas I'll just go bury my head back in the sand, just to be sure I'm oblivious to the rest of the world for a while.

Montana's Gal

Humor: Amused as I dangle my legs on the edge
Music: 'I'm Just a Kid', Simple Plan